You Had Me At Self Awareness

SUMMARY

Do you often wonder why it is that you do the things that you do? Why you think the way that you do? Does it confuse you and leave you feeling powerless to be able to do something about it?

Well, stick with me in this episode, I want to help you to understand exactly what it is that you need to do so that you know why you behave the way that you do.

There are three competencies that we work with when we're developing our Self-Awareness.

The first is Emotional Self-Awareness, the ability to know what's going on internally, what those signs actually mean, those cues that come in the physical, being able to label them.

The second competency that we deal with in Self-Awareness is Accurate Self-Assessment. The key word there is 'accurate'. Perception is reality.

The third competency that we work with in Self-Awareness is Personal Power.

So, there you have Self-Awareness, the ability to know what's going on within you and have an understanding around self within that, to be able to know exactly which emotions you're going through in any given moment, to accurately assess your strengths and your limitations, and to have that inner power and certainty of who you are and who you're not and be okay with the current version of you, knowing that you have everything within you and around you to move forward, to grow in the areas that you need to grow.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you often wonder why it is that you do the things that you do? Why you think the way that you do? Does it confuse you and leave you feeling powerless to be able to do something about it? Well, stick with me in this episode, I want to help you to understand exactly what it is that you need to do so that you know why you behave the way that you do.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Master Coach Trainer, and today, I want to continue our conversation around Social and Emotional Intelligence by helping you to understand that you had me at Self-Awareness.

If you, like most people that I work with, often wonder, "Why do I do the things that I know are not good for me to do? Why do I not do the things that I know will actually help me move forward? Why do I think that way? Why did I behave that way?" We beat ourselves up and we do an autopsy on situations and events that we go through. We might have a conflict or a conversation with someone and come away from that totally doubting whether or not we did what it is that we should have done in that situation. We have great intentions, and we learn things, and then for some reason, we don't always put them into practice.

And it's exactly the same with our Emotional Intelligence. Our Emotional Intelligence starts with a physiological feeling of an emotion in our body. And that then, from neurochemical to psychological, turns into a feeling by what we made that mean, by what our understanding was, or lack thereof, of that physical cue that then turns into thinking and behaviour. And that's where the problem can come in.

When we understand why things happen, when we get that question answered, "Why am I behaving this way?", or, "Why am I thinking this way?", that's the first step to being able to make the change we need to make, to be able to take the principles, the teachings of Emotional Intelligence, and actually use a strategy to ensure that our behaviour, our response to the emotion is empowering for us and for those around us. That's why it starts with awareness.

Social and Emotional Intelligence is the ability to be aware of our own emotions and then what might be going on in the emotions of others. And the key is in the moment. So, right here, right now, what's the emotion I'm going through and what am I going to do with that? That's the first key. Then the second part is to use that information to manage your response to that emotion and therefore manage your relationships. However, if we are unaware of which emotion it is that we are going through, how are we supposed to regulate our response?

So, what I want to do is unpack with you this first quadrant of Social and Emotional Intelligence, which is Self-Awareness. We have that four-quadrant model. We have Self-Awareness and Self-Management, and that's the personal competencies. That's our Emotional Intelligence. Then we have Social Awareness and Relationship Management, and they are the social competencies of Social Intelligence.

There are three competencies that we work with when we're developing our Self-Awareness.

The first is Emotional Self-Awareness, the ability to know what's going on internally, what those signs actually mean, those cues that come in the physical, being able to label them. To do that, we need to be able to do a number of things. The first thing is to build up a vocabulary around emotions, which is larger than one we have right now. There are over 2000 words in the English language alone to describe the emotion that you could be experiencing in your body. Right now, we use a handful of about 6 to 10. We have our go-to: happy, sad, frustrated, angry, whatever it is for you. So, the first thing we want to do in getting that Emotional Self-Awareness is build up that vocabulary so that we can be more specific in naming the emotion. Once we've been able to name the emotion, we can then develop a strategy to regulate the response.

The second area that we deal with in Self-Awareness is Accurate Self-Assessment. The key word there is 'accurate'. Perception is reality. Therefore, your perception is your reality and what other people think and see could be totally different. That's why we call it Accurate Self-Assessment. And what that means is I'm able to, you're able to, know exactly what your current reality is around the competencies of Emotional Intelligence. You know what your strengths are and the areas that you need to work on. A great tool in learning this competency is the Johari window, and it tells us things that we see about us that we hide from others, and things that other people see that we might see in the blind spots. If we have the right start point, it's going to alleviate frustration. So, accurately assessing where you are is vital.

The third area, the third competency that we work with in Self-Awareness is Personal Power. This is my favorite competency to work with people. And in my experience, it actually underpins all the other 25 that I work on. Personal Power says that I know I have everything within me and around me to be able to succeed in life, to be able to become who I need to become so that I can have the results that I want to have. Personal Power is not about power over others. It's about knowing the power that's within. It's about being self-confident rather than doubting yourself all the time. It's about exercising self-care. It's about building up your identity and taking responsibility for who it is that you believe you are.

So, there you have Self-Awareness, the ability to know what's going on within you and have an understanding around self within that, to be able to know exactly which emotions you're going through in any given moment, to accurately assess your strengths and your limitations, and to have that inner power and certainty of who you are and who you're not and be okay with the current version of you, knowing that you have everything within you and around you to move forward, to grow in the areas that you need to grow. Social and Emotional Intelligence starts with the personal competencies, and that starts with Self-Awareness.

Come on this journey with me, this journey of discovery, where together, we become more self-aware and we develop our Social and Emotional Intelligence. Well, that's it for me for another week. Join me again next week, when we unpack that first competency of Self-Awareness: Emotional Self-Awareness. I'll see you then.