The Transformational Power of Empathy

SUMMARY

"Are you okay?" is a great thing to ask people. However, if you ask that question but you listen to their answer through your own lens of understanding and what it is that you are going through in that particular period in your life, you might actually miss what is going on for them.

This week, I want to introduce you to a power that is going to help to move those misunderstandings out of the way by unpacking with you the transformational power of empathy.

TRANSCRIPT

Do you sometimes find it hard to see things from other people's perspective where you are focused on what you are going through in that moment, and therefore, you misunderstand what could be going on for that other person?

That happens a lot because we are wired to be self-centered, and just like what we talked about last week, how we navigate emotions is not always the same as other people do.

Well, stick with me because in this week's episode I want to introduce you to a power that is going to help to move those misunderstandings out of the way.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, VUCA Leadership and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation about being more socially aware by unpacking with you the transformational power of empathy.

What I want to do now is to continue that conversation by talking about how you can seek to understand other people in a different way.

"Are you okay?" is a great thing to ask people. However, if you ask that question but you listen to their answer through your own lens of understanding and what it is that you are going through in that particular period in your life, you might actually miss what is going on for them.

Communication with other human beings is always going to continue. It does not matter if we have AI or chat GPT or any of those things; we are still going to have communication with other people.

To understand this power, you need to have a look at what it is and what it is not, because even having a misunderstanding at that level creates difficulty in being able to capitalise on this amazing skill.

The power that we are talking about is the power of empathy. Unfortunately, it gets mixed up with other particular terms and, therefore, misinterpreted in its use. So, let us have a look at what it is not.

Firstly, it is not apathy.

Apathy at one end of the spectrum says:

"I don't really care."

"I am not invested in it in any way, shape, or form."

Obviously, apathy is not something that is going to help you to have great conversations and relationships with other people.

The other end of the spectrum is sympathy.

Sympathy says: "Oh, I see what you are going through there; I am listening to you, and I feel sorry for you."

Unfortunately, feeling sorry for someone can have a negative effect on what you do to support them. In fact, it can also help them to feel less than because you are feeling sorry for them, and feeling sorry for someone is not enough.

What you need to do is to come into the middle of that, not to the point where you do not care or feel sorry, but to the point of empathy.

Empathy says: "I want to understand how you might be feeling right now."

Having empathy does not necessarily mean that you are going to do anything about what you hear. However, what it says to the other person is:

"I care about you. I am interested in listening to you. I want to walk a mile in your shoes and try to the best of my ability to understand what you are going through."

Then and only then can you understand and, therefore, interact with that person in a way that is going to really support them.

To do that, you need to ask questions and then you need to listen without judgment and avoid making your mind up about what you think it means.

You also need to use reflective listening in your conversation that says: "So, what I am hearing here is this ________, is that right?" until you get to the point where there is a mutual understanding of how the other person is feeling.

Once you have reached that point, you are able to go to those next steps of offering encouragement and encouraging them to take some action that is going to support that.

So, empathy is not "I don't care," and it is not "I feel sorry for you"; it is: "I want to understand."

Being a person that develops more empathy is going to allow you to have much more enjoyable conversations and relationships with people every single day. It is going to reduce the stress and conflict that comes out of these misunderstandings, and it is going to allow people to work together more harmoniously, which means they are going to get more done, and those results that you are after will come a lot sooner.

So, embrace this transformational power of empathy.

If it is a skill that you lack, then step one is to develop it. To start that you need to listen more without judgment, hear what is being said and not being said, question in a reflective way to check in and make sure that you understand what might be going on.

Well, that is it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue this conversation around social intelligence by looking at situational awareness, and having a bigger picture view, so that you can understand more as you go forward.

I will see you then.