Removing the Mask

Do you show the world a true version of yourself every day or is your whole life one big masquerade ball?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today, I want to continue our conversation around Personal Power by helping you to remove the mask.

For most of my adult life I got around pretending that I was someone that I wasn't. And once again, the motive for doing that was to get people's approval. And as we talked about last week, that can be very debilitating and hold you back from being who you truly are. And wearing that mask to pretend that I was this person because that was the person that I thought would be good enough, would belong and would be loved meant that there was a lot of stress. You see, pretending is a fun game when you're a kid, but when you're an adult, pretending can get you into some hot water. Pretending can cause a lot of anxiety around your performance.

So once again, this whole thing of wearing your mask is counterproductive for the reason that you're actually doing it. It actually puts you in a state where your performance, where your likeability, where your acceptance, all those things are diminished because people are confused by this version of you. It's not the real you and people can sense that. So, what I want to do is I want to give you the benefit of my own personal experience and my experience of working with others and help you to feel confident to remove the masks that you wear during your day.

Now, there are different types of masks and I'm going to deal with just a few of those in this short time together. However, to get started, I want us to realise that it's okay for you to be who you need to be in particular arenas of your life. So for example, when I'm being a husband or being a father, there are certain ways that I will act and behave and perform that are perhaps not as appropriate in being a speaker, a trainer, an educator, a business person. What I'm more talking about is forcing yourself and pretending that you're someone that you're not to feed that approval addiction that we talked about.

So, the first mask that I want to help you to get rid of, if it's one that you are accustomed to wearing, is the "I'm okay" mask. You see, when we wear the "I'm okay" mask, it says, "I got everything under control. I don't need any of your help. I'm doing great." And I know when I wear that mask and when I've worn that mask, that might be what's coming out when you see me, but inside I'm dying. Inside, I'm scared, I'm anxious, I don't know what I'm going to do.

But the reason I'm wearing that mask is because I don't want you to think less than of me than you already do. I don't want you to think — because I had a negative belief, a wrong belief that said asking for help was a weakness — I don't want you to think that I'm weak. So, that mask of "I'm okay" is the first mask that we need to remove.

The second mask to remove is one I see a lot in any area of leadership, whether it's in the home, in the workplace, in the community, doesn't matter where it is. And that's the mask of "I've got all the answers". A lot of leaders feel like, "Well, now I'm a leader. Wow, now I have to have all the answers. Now I have to know everything." And I don't. So, this is where the imposter syndrome sneaks in and instead of letting people in and know what's really going on, we go, "Okay, I better pretend that I know everything." And I know in my career that that created a lot of anxiety.

And the third mask that I want to talk about is the mask of the victim. This is a mask that we wear that says, "I don't have the ability to do this. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. I'm not great. Oh, don't ask me to do that because I'm a bad choice for that." It's that mask that we wear that says, "I'm the victim here." And what it portrays is how we're really feeling about ourselves and it's keeping us safe from people relying on us, from people giving us responsibility, from people asking us to do things.

What it also does, it's a mask that gives people an opportunity to go, "No, you're great. You're really good at that." Which is, once again, feeding that approval addiction. So, the "victim" mask is one that may need some help to be recognised so that you know when you're wearing that.

So as I said, there are many masks that we can wear and we've just talked about three of them. The mask of "I'm okay", the mask of "I've got all the answers", and the mask of the victim that says, "I am not worthy." So when we can overcome what we feel about ourselves, we can become more self-approved. We can work on the layers that I've been laying down each week. We can then confidently remove the mask and be who it is that we were created to be. Being who I really am, I find that to be the easiest role to play. I don't have to remember any lines. It just comes out of the abundance of my heart and who I am. And I want that for you as well.

So hopefully, that's spoken to someone. If it's just spoken to one person, then my work is done. And I thank you once again for trusting me and helping you along this journey of developing your Emotional Intelligence and particularly Personal Power.